the Elephant's Graveyard a guide to London bi/ Seb Cox

For many years i have spent two evenings a week in drab old rundown buildings around London. Last Thursday, after ten minutes walk through snow enchanced London, I arrived at Ironmonger Row and quickly pay the £13.85 entrance fee, and walk through the foyer to the stairs leading to paradise. The best place for men to relax in London. Aesthetically, at least, the place is no gentleman's club, the reception area contains rows of locker, to the left is the "no mobile phone" area which consists of six single beds and other relaxation possibilities. At the end of this space a door leads to the wet area. There are more possibilities. A steam room, a russian marble room, a massage area, showers and a plunge pool that could only be described as fucking freezing. The place is busy it's buzzing with masculinity. Men of all shapes and sizes, from all parts of the world, naked, chilling, and letting it all hang, loose. A rare "men-only" paradise space, in London. Also has a really good old fashioned laundrette! Ironmonger Row Steam Baths Address: 1-11 Ironmonger Row, London EC1V 3QF Phone: 0207 253 4011 Men only Tuesdays and Thursadys 9.30am - 9.00pm and Saturdays: 9.00am - 6.00pm. 

It's in a very posh part of London. It was in a posh part of town long before "gay bars" became fashionable. Just off Marble Arch, it appears like any anonomous westend bar. Heavy duty Security BLOKES, manage a kind of polite smile. Pushing your way past one, and then another heavy door. You are lead into a very traditional type english bar. A very long bar, huge wooden panel and drinks of all description are neatly advertised. You can have coffee, tea or even a fairly decent bottle of champagne. The staff, about 6 of them are all bright shiny and gorgeous. And then, there's the lovely customers. I settle for a pint of their best lager and drift gradually towards the middle of the bar. Put my pint on the counter, and this old boy smiles, "Are you having a good nite, son." I smile to myself. Yes I am having a good nite, i actually feel ok in here. No, I actually feel as if i fit in here. Don't usually feel that in a gay bar. There is a door on the right hand side. It's not the toilet, I can see that's quite busy at the back of the bar. There is the most beautiful white piano just in front of that. There is a guy playing and singing, Billy Joel. If you spend a moment, you'll realize, not the best singer in the world, but this man is good, he is telling a story, and he certainly can play that grand piano. I would like to give him a huge hug and say well, thats kind of my story as well mate. Butt I'm to shy to do that, so i drink another beer, and slightly more confident I push my way through. That door leads to a stairway where everyone are politely letting, each other come up and go down. One had probably too many "sherries" and just gave me a huge kiss on my "bulge. I didn't think old men could bend down like that. There is another heavy door. I can hear "CHICO" in the distance. D>I>S>C>O.  Another probably did not have enough "sherries", "fucking quite to nite m8, they're all youngsters down there tonite, m8. At the end of the stairs a quick right, a quick left, oohhhhhh and then. "It's fucking wacky m8". This old guy nearly knocked my pint as he cartwheeled through the dance floor. He's probably about 70 but he's not the oldest on the dance floor. I think you could spend the whole nite trying to figure it out. bUT TAKE IT FROM A MAN WHO NEVER DANCES, but always wants to, that just for a few minutes, I forgot my fears, and just allowed myself the joy of having a little dance. None bat an eyelid as I counted out the steps, 123, 123, 123. 123, eventually this other old boy pinched my arse, "you certainly know how to shake that, don't you. If you ever go to london, give this place a few hours. The gay scene in London is a often a very dark, seedy, unfriendly place. And amongst all that shit, this is a shiny bright star. City of Quebec, 12 Old Quebec Street, London W1. The oldest gay bar in London, opened in 1946, it remains a popular place for men of all ages. Open until 1am on Sunday, 2am Monday – Thursday and until 3am on Fridays and Saturdays. Downstairs disco operates on Friday and Saturday nights with Caberet on Sundays upstairs. Mondays is Karaoke night. Piano bar on Thursday and Tuesday which is Suits night and Wednesday is Quiz night.